Ahead of the expected release of the Mueller Report that definitely for sure proves Trump did that shit, local dingus Glen Tickle told reporters, “I kind of hope it’s heavily redacted. 300 pages? Yikes. Who has the time?”
Tickle admits that the redactions could hide important details of the case against the President, like exactly how many crimes Trump for sure 100% committed, but added, “Reading is just so hard,” before mumbling a comment about how is brain is bad.
“I was excited when I heard that the report would be delivered to Congress on CD because I thought that meant they recorded it as an audiobook,” Tickle told The Humor Weakly, “But when I heard they were just putting the text files on CD I thought, ‘Why? Is it 1997?”
It’s unclear exactly how much of the report will be redacted, but Tickle is hoping that it’s most of it.
“I mean, they should leave in the stuff that says the President should definitely go to jail, but honestly I feel like probably 90% could get taken out and we’d still get the point. I’m just going to skim it anyway, so why bother getting hung up on names and dates, ya know?”
When asked how much time he was willing to spend reading the Mueller Report, Tickle admitted to reporters that he was just going to wait for NPR to summarize it on Morning Edition.