Second-Best Ever Death Metal Band Out of Denton Fucking Sick of Hearing About Jeff and Cyrus

(Denton, Texas) Members of DümWar, the second-best ever death metal band out of Denton, have had it up to here with people talking about Jeff and Cyrus from the best ever death metal band out of Denton.

“We get it. They’re better than us. Fine, but come on. Enough,” said DümWar singer Jerp Klemton. “Denton’s the 24th most populated city in Texas. We have a population of over 140,000 people, with a thriving death metal scene, but Jeff and Cyrus are all anybody wants to talk about.”

DümWar bassist Crisp Bunton tells The Humor Weakly, “They never even settled on a name, so people just keep calling them ‘Jeff and Cyrus’. It’s impossible for us to get that kind of name recognition. At best I get, ‘Hey aren’t you the bass player from DümWar’, but even that’s only happened twice. Just once… ‘Hey Crisp Bunton! Love your work!’… is that too much?”

Members of the band say their work is being constantly overshadowed by Jeff and Cyrus’ unnamed band, and wishes the duo would use their notoriety to bolster the scene as a whole.

Klemton said, “They’re great. Really. So like… move to Austin, Houston, fuck… Nashville. Anywhere. It’s getting a little sad seeing these guys do the big-fish-in-a-small-pond thing for so long. Go kill it somewhere else. Then when people are like, ‘Shit, those guys are from Denton? I should checkout some other Denton death metal bands like DümWar, Plastic Bag Face Mask, Forgotten Alamo, Little Match Girl, Armadildo, Cactusks, Blade Trilogy, Staple Gun, Regular Gun, Just Stabbin’, Coffin Outhouse, Big Hole, Ankylosing Spondylitis, or Gored by Al.”

Other members of the band feel like Jeff and Cyrus aren’t being upfront about some of their influences.

“I’m not saying they stole it, but we stenciled pentagrams with our names onto our instruments way before Jeff and Cyrus did it. But now when people see my gong on stage they’re like, ‘Ah rad! A big pentagram! Like Jeff and Cyrus!”, lamented DümWar’s gong player JoJoJo Canteeri. “You know what a pain it is lugging a full-size gong around Denton? Credit where it’s due is all I’m asking.”

We reached out to Jeff and Cyrus for this story, but their only comment was repeatedly yelling, “HAIL SATAN” into the phone repeatedly, which was pretty fucking metal.

(photo via Jai Brinkofski)