I don’t think this needs a lot of build up and I’m on a deadline for another project. Here’s some #VeryGoodTweets. Enjoy.
Convert a room in your house into a home gym by paying money to a stranger every month and then just never go into that room
— Sir Michael (@Michael1979) April 10, 2017
I don't know how old you have to be to not laugh when the ketchup bottle makes a fart noise, I just know I haven't reached that age yet
— Curtis Kingsley (@CurtisKingsley) April 10, 2017
— Dan Van Winkle (@Dan_Van_Winkle) April 14, 2017
— Sam Taggart (@samttaggart) April 10, 2017
When you spill all your water but you too sassy to care pic.twitter.com/QUHuXAqyxa
— Nick Douglas (@toomuchnick) April 10, 2017
"You're not my REAL ladder!" pic.twitter.com/srmf0xqveb
— Steven W Skinner (@SkinnerSteven) April 12, 2017
I'm rubber and you're glue. She's tape. He's a stapler. Those guys are paper clips. All my friends are office supplies.
— water toupee (@markydoodoo) April 12, 2017
holy shit how fast was this rollercoaster going pic.twitter.com/whvd3Gf3B1
— ☃ garfield fan account ☃ (@shr0s) April 12, 2017
I was fired from the restaurant for giving a co-worker a piggyback.
I'm not pleased, but it does feel like a waiter's been lifted.
— Daniel Edison (@DanEdisonComedy) April 13, 2017
Pitching an animated show I call Mullet Babies. #DayCareInTheFrontNappyTimeInTheBack
— Jason J. Brown (@JasonBrownComic) April 14, 2017
I wish there had been a screaming baby on my flight to drown out the guy behind me who "didn't want to be pigeonholed as JUST a musician."
— Jordan_Morris (@Jordan_Morris) April 15, 2017