Cool Things to Do When You Wake Up and Can’t Move Your Flipping Neck

My Gross Neck

Sleeping sure can be a challenge sometimes, and from time to time you can really goof it up by falling asleep with your neck at a weird angle and you wake up IN UNBELIEVABLE AGONY UNABLE TO MOVE so here are some cool things you can do when that happens.

Watch Last Man on Earth While Writing Your Humor Blog…

…but forget your neck hurts until you try to turn your head to see what Will Forte is up to and then loudly curse at fictional characters for trying to kill your neck.


Just kind of try whatever you have lying around. It doesn’t matter. It’s going to hurt SO MUCH when you tilt your head back to swallow those pills it’s basically going to cancel out any benefit for a while.

Try to Shower, Go to Take Your Shirt Off, Scream in Pain, Commit to Your New Life as a Filth Monster

Looks like we’re going strong into day two of wearing this Community Center shirt. 

Community Center and My Boobs

They’re a great band and I’m proud to become their lifelong ambassador because this pain will obviously never subside, meaning the only way to get this shirt off will be to cut it off, but I don’t want to do that because I like this shirt and the band and when am I ever going to see them again to have the opportunity to get another one? It’s not like they’re on tour right now coming to a venue near you to rock your asses off.

(Go see them. They’re really great.)

Look Up Voodoo Dolls and Whether They Work and Wonder What Kind of Dark Magic Your Nemesis Is Using Against You

My daughter watched Disney’s Princess and the Frog about thirty times this weekend and yesterday asked me if the voodoo magic in the movie is real. I told her voodoo is a real thing that some people believe in, but it doesn’t work like how it does in the movie, but then I woke up in terrible pain, so like maybe?

Ben Youngerman, what sorcery are you up to you cartoon-looking monster?

Reflect on Your Life and What Choices Could Have Led an Angry God to Punish You

Is this because I did a comedy show in a Catholic high school the other night and talked about science too much?

Accept That There Is Now Only Pain

Just start chanting “I am one with the Force. The Force is with me,” like the guy in Rogue One, but replace “the Force” with “neck pain” because the pain is an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us, and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together.